Toothbrush! You’ve come back to me!

Now I’m just trying to get my brain to follow suit…

I’m feeling pretty icky these days. I have so much work to do, and it seems like I can’t find the motivation to do any of it. I’m feeling practically as overwhelmed as I was at the end of the semester, but I’m not sure how I’ve managed to work myself up like that considering I don’t have any deadlines, really.

Well, I have only one week (really three days, not counting today) left of this job, and then I will be unemployed for a little while. Alex called me (from ArtWorks! in New Bedford) and I have to call him back today… That’s where I did my internship and got some summer work last year. I wonder what work they’ve got in store for me this time around. Pretty good timing, I think. They always seem to know when I need work! If they’re willing to pay me (some stuff has been volunteer) and willing to give me enough hours to make the commute worth it, then I’ll consider it, but if it’s only a little money and a little time, then it probably won’t cover the expense of fuel to get down there and back every day… not to mention the fact that we have just the one car, and I’d have to figure out a driving plan with Jesse’s second shift. hmmmmmm… we’ll see. Hmm, artworks, that reminds me… I’ve got to drop Ana a line or two. She invited me to her show in Chicago (like I’d be able to make it) a million years ago but I never dropped her a line saying that I got the invitation and ‘thanks for thinking of me’ etc… I can be so neglectful at times… gotta work on that.

I’ve got that pampered chef party tonight… and I’ve got my eye on this really cool cake pan… you can make a checkerboard cake… pretty cool. Last time, I got this neat shaped bread tube thing. It’s pretty neat. You put the dough in the tube, and bake it, and it comes out in this neat shape. Alright, my verbal description skills are seriously lacking today. Here, check this out.

oy, smeg head!

Here’s a little snippet of what went on at Marc’s wake… we laughed, we cried, we goofed around in the parking lot, then went to the “pearl” for “chinese” food. You know, same old same old.

and check out the new 20cent site… good work, John!

I’m busy busy working on getting rid of a bunch of stuff. I’m doing pretty good so far. I having no problem getting rid of useless stuff that I’ve collected recently, but as for things from my past… now that’s a different story all together. But I’m working on it. My strategy is to take photos of things that I’m having more difficulty getting rid of, and then it makes the whole process more palitable. I figure, I may not have the actual thing, but I’ll still have a concrete memory of it and not just an in my brain memory, ya know?

Posted by Babs @ 06/17/2003 10:53 PM EST

Isn’t this rediculous?

I talked to Denise on the phone yesterday, and she saw Marc a couple of weeks ago (I hadn’t seen him since the end of April at No Exit) and apparantly he had cleaned himself up and was taking better care of his body by not abusing it with all that shit. Somehow knowing that he had finally thought better of himself and cleaned up makes his death all the more sad. He was cleaning himself up, about to finish his novel, and then like that… he’s gone. It’s all so absurd.

On the way home from Joe’s the other night I started to cry again. But it wasn’t like the tears that I had been shedding previous to that. The other tears were for people like Sandra and Kevin and Michelle and Marc’s parents and family… people who were close to him and are really suffering. Up until then I hadn’t realized how much Marc was a part of my life, too. We were never close, but he was part of the same group of people with whom I associate: Twenty Cent Fiction. Up until we graduated, there wasn’t a week that went by that I didn’t see Marc. We worked together in three plays. Up until the drive home Wednesday night, it hadn’t occured to me that I would have to grieve, too. Not just the kind of empathic grieving that you do when you know someone you care about has lost someone they care about. It makes me realize that I’m closer to the people in Twenty Cent than I had previously assumed.

Of course I know that some of my closest friends are also (or were) members of Twenty Cent, but I didn’t realize how connected I was to the entity of Twenty Cent itself.

Jesus, this is all so stupid!

I don’t even know what I think… And reading over what I’ve written sounds so inane and well, lame… UGH!

will night never come?

Well, I guess it’s come for you, Marc. Not that I think you can hear me or anything… well, maybe you can, what do I know about these things… anyway… I hope you’re in a good place, wherever that may be.

Rest in Peace.

I know we weren’t close this last year or so, but I have some good memories. There are a lot of people down here who gave a shit about you, and they’re hurting pretty badly right now. You know, not to tokenize you or anything, but having someone the same age as myself (give or take a little time) just up and die like this is really scary. You were up to some crazy stuff these last couple of years, and you neglected and abused your body. I just wish you would have seen your value in time so that (if this accident was caused by insulin shock like we’re assuming, but I don’t want to contribute to rumors) you would have taken care of yourself. Again, not to make you the “token death boy” or anything, but maybe now some people will shape up their lives after having seen how quickly life can be taken away.

I really have no more to say right now, and it’s not like you can hear me or anything, anyway.

Note: added Thursday, June 12, 2003
Here’s a link to the twenty cent fiction website with a reprint of the obituary and an article from the Patriot Ledger and a photo of Marc. The photo was taken from Twenty Cent’s production of Waiting for Godot two Decembers ago.

It’s evolution, baby!

Ever since I read Daniel Dennet’s Darwin’s Dangerous Idea, the word meme has been popping out at me all over the place. I had never heard of the word (not having read Dawkins) before I read DDI, and now it’s everywhere. I see memetic evolution in every culturally constructed element of society. It demonstrates how we place value on certain things that have nothing to do with the well being of our human bodies, communities, etc. Instead we value logos and labels. Check out memefest to see what’s going on out there to take back cultural evolution.

whew! back online again…

After several days of not being able to connect to the internet at work (the horror) or having a computer set up at home (gasp) and then not being able to connect to the internet even when the computer was hooked up (double gasp), I am finally back online (hooray!)…

So, we’ve moved into the “Barn”… whee hoo! It’s pretty neat-o. I’ll be posting pictures over here so you should check those out. There will be some of the move out of the old apartment, and then some of us tooling around the new place. There won’t be too many pictures of boxes and dishevellment because the camera was full (we didn’t buy an extra card) and the batteries were low (we didn’t recharge them) while we were doing most of the unpacking. But the upstairs is still a wreck, so there should be lots of “before” photos from that. Then later in the summer, we’ll be posting more photos of us painting and whatnot. Way fun.

Hopefully, I’ll be able to have my scrapbook party some time soon, so I can get underway making the nifty book about the move and housey stuff. whee! stay tuned.

sleepie time now.

PS- after having been separated from the internet for several days, I’m currently downloading over four hundred emails of junkiness. Before my computer at work crapped out, I was able to at least get rid of some of the junk on webmail, but I haven’t been able to do that in a handfull of days.

PPS- went shopping today, and got some jeans and some shirts. My “best” pants were the ones with only one patch on them. whee.

home agian, home again, jiggity jig…

So, we’re back in Massy-ass-achusetts. Actually, it’s good to be back. Vacation was swell, but the swelling’s gone down now. heh heh.

I’ve been way out of it these past couple of days. Yesterday was supposed to be spent cleaning the apartment, but I think I did maybe one hour’s worth of work all day. I ate more food than I needed to, and I talked on the phone a bunch. I feel really groggy headed. I had lots of sleep, but it was very restless. Tossing, turning, and all the rest. I think I had an anxiety (not really an attack, but maybe an) episode in my sleep, too. I woke up barely able to breathe, and all sweaty. It was quite scary. I keep dreaming of that stupid movie, “The Ring”… yeah… that one… with the scary-ass little girl who climbs out of the TV to kill people who have watched her video. Crazy shit, man. And I keep dreaming of that damned tornado that swept through La Plata last year. Oh, and I think I had a huge fight with my Mum in one of my dreams last night. So, I was a pretty busy bee in my sleep. I’ve got to keep myself up later or something so that I’m really tired when I finally go to bed. That way I’ll sleep through the night.

Well, today is our last day in the apartment. We’re cleaning out the fridge and packing up the car today, and sleeping at Mike’s tonight. Then tomorrow morning, we’re picking up the truck and heading down to NB to pick up the last of our stuff in the apartment. Everything should be cleaned up today, and we can do the last of it (in the living room where the boxes are now) tomorrow once the boxes are gone. Woo hoo!

We’ll have the moving truck until Sunday, and hopefully everything will be moved out of the storage unit into the house by then. woo hah!

coming home soon

We leave tomorrow morning to come back to Massachusetts. Then it’s crazy move time. whew. I’m tired just thinking about it.

This place is a mad house, but my family rocks.

Tammy, Danny and the kids were down this weekend, too, so it was a crazy-go-nuts kind of fun. I’ll be glad to get settled into our new place so I can have a home again. We’ve been in the process of moving out of the apartment for a couple of weeks, now we’re staying at my family’s place, and then we’ll be in the process of moving in… so it might be a couple more weeks before the new place feels like home. I love to travel around, but I love the rooted feeling that comes with being home, too.

I’m taking a retreat from the noise that comes with being here with my family. The computer room is very quiet. Well, I have to go take the cake out of the oven. I’ll probably be online in a week or so, or maybe sooner, we’ll see… and perhaps by then we might have DSL… mwahahaha)

on the road again…

We leave for Maryland tonight at 11pm. I don’t have to drive, so I can sleep the whole way… yee haw! Mike’s taking the van so I think we’ll all be able to pile in. We have to bring the Chew, however, since everyone’s busy and we felt weird asking our uber-busy friends to ferret-sit. He likes to travel, though. Should be a good time. Bought Mom and Dad each a sweatshirt that says “umass dartmouth Mom” and “Dad,” respectively. Way cute. Not my normal thing to buy, but I think they’ll like them. And I bought one for myself with a coupon. They didn’t have the one I really wanted, but I got one that’s just as cute. It says “umass” in black and pink outline letters. It doesn’t say “dartmouth” on it, though. Ah, well.

I figure, I’ve spent enough time at this place I should have something with the uni’s name on it. I mean I have a sweatshirt from BSC, and I never even went there (Coll works there, though).

The brain is kinda melty, but I’m feeling pretty good. I’ve got mondo work in store for me when I get home, though. More stuff to pack, and I’d like to at least clean a wee bit… just so it doesn’t look too gross when the prospective renters come to check out the flat while we’re gone.

Back on Tuesday. I may report from the Land of Mary, who knows.

Finito!

Sounds of rejoicing could be heard throughout the north end today as the “send” button was clicked. “These are the last two undergraduate papers I will ever turn in” thought our protagonist as the email program whizzed the ethics papers to their final destination. A sigh of relief shuddered through the universe as the philosophy books were packed away and the dog-eared syllabi fell into the folder to be filed away for posterity.

no more homework, no more books… no more teacher’s dirty looks.

school’s out for the summer…

etc.
etc.
etc.

Hooray for completion